Wendy and Lucy

Well kids, here it is - brutal and honest admission: I refuse to pretend to like an "arty" or "indie" film just because it sounds somehow intelligent to praise it. Furthermore, I get just as irked when others do it. Maybe I'm dumb and I am just not getting it. Maybe, studying film for 6 years was a complete waste of time. Maybe my ideas of what makes a good film are completely different from what "real" critics determine the criteria should be. But what I know is this...a piece of canvas painted black on a wall is just that and a movie that bores me to tears is lacking something. I can appreciate a calm, quiet, introspective piece but sadly "Wendy and Lucy" is a snore. There is little I can say about it other than I was happy when it was over.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Insert dreamy waves and wiggles...

Hi Mr. Jackman. You have lovely chops going on at the moment and my, you're buff. No, no, you're not intruding at all. What's that? I'm supposed to be reviewing your movie? Oh. Well yes, that's a little bit of a disappointment but hey, I'm a professional. So in that case, I've got a couple questions for you. And yes, I'd be happy to pour you a glass of wine...or 12.

1) James/Jimmy transitions to Logan. When did that happen? Totally noticed the back and forth when it came to names but there was NO explanation - I had to do thorough research on Wikipedia to discover that Logan was your real Pop's last name
2) Why all the confusion with 2 different actors playing Wade/XI? This was confusing as hell (more wine?). In fact, I wasn't even convinced of it until IMDB told me so.
3) Speaking of Wade...is Ryan Reynolds that funny in "real" life? He seems like he would be, after all - he is Canadian, AND he starred in one of the most classic and underrated Nickelodeon programs of the early 1990s - "Fifteen". That says a lot if you ask me. He and Scarlett are cute together aren't they? What? Oh yeah, the movie.
4) I have to say I feel bad for Scott...you know Cyclops. He's not really all that cool of a character - even in this early appearance. What's up with that?
5) Jean Grey is way cooler than the Silverfox gal. I mean, she's pretty and all but c'mon - the story about the moon?
6) Finally, where was all the amazing action? Besides the first fight with the Stryker team...there wasn't a hell of a lot going on as far as mutant mayhem. To date, as far as X-Men action sequences go, I have yet to see one that tops the intensity and sheer coolness factor of Nightcrawler's arrival in the opening of "X-2". That was stellar filmmaking that was well worth the effort to see it in a theater. The choreography & stuntwork of the fight! The editorial! VFX! Performances! Camera work! Music?! It was all going full throttle with phenomenal pacing. "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" needed more of that kind of brilliance. Watch here:

Now that you've heard me out Mr. Jackman let me just state for the record, I did enjoy your film. I really did. I didn't love it by a long shot but I was entertained. However, if you feel you need to stay for another bottle or two of wine to walk me through all the plotlines and character arcs so that I will perhaps think more favorably about it, I'm fine with that.